This is a hard letter for me to write because the memories of my past are still painful. If this testimony could rescue an unborn baby from the knife of the abortionist, it will be worth it.
My husband and I were separated; we had a three-year-old daughter that I was supporting. I met a man and we began having an affair. I saw nothing wrong with the way I was living because “everybody was doing it.” I figured things like adultery were only wrong if you got caught. I wasn’t worried about getting caught because my husband would be in prison for at least two years.
To make a long story short, I became pregnant. The man I was involved with was married and I was also still married. We both agreed that abortion was the only way.
At the time, I didn’t sit down and try to analyze my motives - I knew abortion was wrong, but I didn’t want to take the time to have a baby. Also, I knew very soon after I conceived that I was pregnant and I just assumed it really wasn’t a baby yet.
A girl I met, who made her living as a prostitute knew of a doctor who would do an abortion for $200.00 (they weren’t legal at this time). She had had three abortions and told me that there would be a couple of blood clots and that’s all there was to it - it wasn’t really a baby.
I went to the doctor - he did everything in about 30 minutes. I went home and went to bed, my three-year-old daughter by my side.
I woke up at about midnight because I heard my daughter crying, “Mommy, Mommy,” but when I looked at her she was sound asleep.
It may seem strange for me to say this, but I became very afraid that my conscience had just heard the cry of my unborn baby. I tried to pass all of it off and kept telling myself what my prostitute friend told me - it’s not really a baby yet!
The next morning I became very sick - first with fever and then with chills. I was alone (except for my daughter) for about five days. On about the third day my body expelled the dead baby. I cannot explain the terror or fear or anger I felt. This was a real baby, completely formed – it was small enough to fit in the palm of my hand.
This is the day I really began to know what guilt and remorse feels like. I thought I was taking the easy way out by having an abortion.
To anyone who reads this, I want you to know that no matter how cold and calculating you think you are, your conscience will not let you do something like this and just forget about it.
I lost quite a bit of blood and about four months later, I finally went to a doctor. The afterbirth stayed in my body for all that time. People who saw me said I looked like a dead person walking around.
I really wanted to die but yet I was afraid to die because I believed in hell and knew that was where I was headed. I was very depressed and began to be very self-destructive. I was taking lots and lots of drugs especially speed. When I was high, I had that false sense of “well being” only it wore off so I had to take more and more so I could stay high all the time.
For ten years, I was constantly on drugs. During this time, my husband came home from prison and we were reconciled. This was really a difficult adjustment for both of us. I lived a life of pretense with him. I couldn’t tell him about the abortion or the drugs.
Because the drugs made me very paranoid, I was consumed with jealousy – because of the guilt I felt – I never trusted him. Our life was literally hell. I knew God would never let me have another baby because he was punishing me. Because of the abortion, I had a tubal pregnancy, which had to be removed to save my life.
After fourteen years of pure misery, I met Jesus Christ. He truly forgave me and wiped away every trace of guilt from my heart. He actually took my guilt upon himself.
You’ll never hear an abortionist tell you that carrying your baby is the easy way out but really it is. The Lord is the author of life – he loves your baby from the time it is conceived.
Psalm 139:15-16,
My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.
The Lord by his great mercy to me gave me two more beautiful children. Jesus Christ has done great things for me.
Shirley A.
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Healthy Futures for Women is an abortion clinic. Steve Hindes is the abortionist at Healthy Futures for Women. Many stories like Shirley's begin there. Abortion doesn't solve problems, it creates tragedy. Don't make a mistake you will have to live with forever. Choose life for yourself and your baby.
