Friday, March 30, 2012

Shirley's Abortion Story

This is a hard letter for me to write because the memories of my past are still painful. If this testimony could rescue an unborn baby from the knife of the abortionist, it will be worth it.

My husband and I were separated; we had a three-year-old daughter that I was supporting. I met a man and we began having an affair. I saw nothing wrong with the way I was living because “everybody was doing it.” I figured things like adultery were only wrong if you got caught. I wasn’t worried about getting caught because my husband would be in prison for at least two years.

To make a long story short, I became pregnant. The man I was involved with was married and I was also still married. We both agreed that abortion was the only way.

At the time, I didn’t sit down and try to analyze my motives - I knew abortion was wrong, but I didn’t want to take the time to have a baby. Also, I knew very soon after I conceived that I was pregnant and I just assumed it really wasn’t a baby yet.

A girl I met, who made her living as a prostitute knew of a doctor who would do an abortion for $200.00 (they weren’t legal at this time). She had had three abortions and told me that there would be a couple of blood clots and that’s all there was to it - it wasn’t really a baby.

I went to the doctor - he did everything in about 30 minutes. I went home and went to bed, my three-year-old daughter by my side.

I woke up at about midnight because I heard my daughter crying, “Mommy, Mommy,” but when I looked at her she was sound asleep.

It may seem strange for me to say this, but I became very afraid that my conscience had just heard the cry of my unborn baby. I tried to pass all of it off and kept telling myself what my prostitute friend told me - it’s not really a baby yet!

The next morning I became very sick - first with fever and then with chills. I was alone (except for my daughter) for about five days. On about the third day my body expelled the dead baby. I cannot explain the terror or fear or anger I felt. This was a real baby, completely formed – it was small enough to fit in the palm of my hand.

This is the day I really began to know what guilt and remorse feels like. I thought I was taking the easy way out by having an abortion.

To anyone who reads this, I want you to know that no matter how cold and calculating you think you are, your conscience will not let you do something like this and just forget about it.

I lost quite a bit of blood and about four months later, I finally went to a doctor. The afterbirth stayed in my body for all that time. People who saw me said I looked like a dead person walking around.

I really wanted to die but yet I was afraid to die because I believed in hell and knew that was where I was headed. I was very depressed and began to be very self-destructive. I was taking lots and lots of drugs especially speed. When I was high, I had that false sense of “well being” only it wore off so I had to take more and more so I could stay high all the time.

For ten years, I was constantly on drugs. During this time, my husband came home from prison and we were reconciled. This was really a difficult adjustment for both of us. I lived a life of pretense with him. I couldn’t tell him about the abortion or the drugs.

Because the drugs made me very paranoid, I was consumed with jealousy – because of the guilt I felt – I never trusted him. Our life was literally hell. I knew God would never let me have another baby because he was punishing me. Because of the abortion, I had a tubal pregnancy, which had to be removed to save my life.

After fourteen years of pure misery, I met Jesus Christ. He truly forgave me and wiped away every trace of guilt from my heart. He actually took my guilt upon himself.

You’ll never hear an abortionist tell you that carrying your baby is the easy way out but really it is. The Lord is the author of life – he loves your baby from the time it is conceived.

Psalm 139:15-16, My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

The Lord by his great mercy to me gave me two more beautiful children. Jesus Christ has done great things for me.

Shirley A.
Healthy Futures for Women is an abortion clinic. Steve Hindes is the abortionist at Healthy Futures for Women. Many stories like Shirley's begin there. Abortion doesn't solve problems, it creates tragedy. Don't make a mistake you will have to live with forever. Choose life for yourself and your baby.


  1. Shirley's story is compelling, however I can't help but feel that her experience with an unlicensed "back-alley" abortionist (recommended to her by a prostitute, no less...) cannot compare to the experience of a woman choosing to have her abortion procedure done in a safe and sterile environment by highly trained professionals. The two cannot be reconciled with one another, you might as well be comparing two different worlds (which in the case of medical science, with it's constant breakthroughs, comparing a pre- Roe v. Wade world to a post Roe v. Wade world, is spurious and silly.)

    I'm not saying that there is no merit to the sentiments being expressed here, but this particular story is a relic. Any notion that Steve Hindes is the equivalent of Shirley's un-named abortionist, is wrong, regardless of your views on abortion.

    I am not naive enough to belive that I could ever change your mind on the issue of abortion, that isn't even my intention in writing this. What I feel must be said is this:

    You do yourself a disservice by hiding yourself away in a place of ignorance, apocrypha, trite sentimentality and moral absolutes. You do your movement a disservice by characterizing decent people as cruel and callous monsters, who love only murder and money, instead of complex individuals with complex lives and motivations.

  2. Most "back alley" abortionists were doctors.

    It's an illusion to think that just because a "trained professional" does an abortion it is safe. The baby dies, the mother is emotionally injured and many times physically injured.

    Far from ignorance, we welcome the light of truth. The abortionist wants to practice in darkness. Why do you think they fight any attempt to inform the abortion bound woman of what is growing inside of her?

    Sentimentality? A woman's life was ruined. How callous to call it sentimentality.

    Moral absolutes yes. That's the reality of truth.

    Abortionists are monsters. Their motivation is money. They may be complex but what they do is wrong. History will show it to be.

    Thanks for your comment. I hope you think about abortion beyond what you have so far.

  3. Shirley's story is good for us to read. It gives us all hope, no matter what we've done. Because of the love and understanding of Jesus and his forgiveness, she doesn't have to look back any more, but has lots to look forward to!

    David deceives himself. To him, as long as sin appears clean, it's okay. I wonder if he knows the worth of a child. Evidently not. But praise be to God, there's hope for him too, if he just takes the offer before it's too late. Then God will open his eyes and can use him to lead people to life instead of destruction.

    Thanks Shirley for your story. You are courageous to share it. All of us fall, but sadly not all rise up again. But you did! I love stories with happy endings!


  4. After being a patient almost a year now, I am truly outraged! I will be looking for another family physician asap. The audacity of these people to be caring for my son when they kill fetus up to 20 weeks! To be so sympathetic when I expressed my depression from miscarrying! DISGUSTING to not show what you practice at your office. To think I thought couples were experiencing sickness and that's why they appear to be SO depressed UNBELIEVABLE I feel so betrayed as a patient! And for this to be a family practice I'm sure that must mean they recommend abortions all the time to teens, and venerable persons when they are just overwhelmed at the time then regret for the rest of their lives a decision their family doctor emphasizes how easy a procedure it is and harmless. Really it hurts you the rest of your life. Something has to be done. Patients must be aware of what type of practice the facility provides. No wonder they seem so heartless- this explains it all! Stephanie Beltz is right along there with him... Whatever you do- keep your teens away from here. I sure have my eyes wide open now for my daughter's sake.